Traveling the world for 16 years made it overwhelming for me to return to the Philippines. Is reverse culture shock real? Here’s my take on this enriching and insightful topic.
When I arrived at Ninoy Aquino International Airport in Manila a month ago, all the Filipino words came back to me. I have not spoken this language for many years because I did not have anyone to speak it with during my world travels.
I spent much time in Latin America, and Spanish was my primary language. Suddenly, calling the taxi drivers “kuya” and asking for directions at the airport was a hit of nostalgia and bewilderment.
I remember leaving this country when I was 19, motivated to escape the rigid societal norms and expectations. I was trying to feel that emotion – do I still hate the Philippines? Will I hate everyone when I see them?
I didn’t have the answers right away, but I felt like I was again living in a different body. With a Mexican child and a Swiss husband in tow (long story for later), this is a different situation; this is a different you.
Even before coming here, I already understood how childbirth has changed me. My body language is different, and how I respond to things has changed dramatically. Looking at my surroundings, I did not feel strange at all. I lived in Mexico for 7 years, the Philippines’ twin country. It looks the same, except that people don’t speak Spanish here.
Am I having a reversed culture shock? Or do I not hate the Philippines that much because I loved living in Mexico?
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❓ What is reverse culture shock?
Reverse culture shock is the emotional and psychological difficulty one experiences when returning to your home country after spending significant time living abroad. It’s similar to the initial culture shock felt when first traveling to a new country, but it happens in the familiar surroundings of home.
😣 Recent reverse culture shock challenges
I’ve only been here for 5 weeks and I already have these examples of reverse culture shock that I am trying to cope with. Here are some recent events when I had to stop and think.
At the end of each challenge, I have some notes on how to approach it, unprocessed feelings, and how to navigate reverse culture shock overall.
Cultural Re-adjustment
Why do you need cultural adjustment if you were born and raised in this country?! Doesn’t this culture stick? You might find it frustrating to adapt back to social norms and behaviors that now seem foreign.
For instance, if you lived in a country where punctuality is strictly observed, returning to a more laid-back culture where being late is common can be irritating.
Frustration is probably one of the things that hit me bad and I have to admit that I did not do well in this department. During the first week, I was easily irritated by everyday situations that previously didn’t bother me.
I called out people eating fast food, people leaving their trash on the beach grated on my nerves, I got pissed when people came late (and they so arrived casually as if nothing happened), etc… the list went on.
Reflection on cultural re-adjustment
I can make a long list of complaints about the Philippines, but when I really stop and think, Mexico is no different. I may have romanticized the Philippines during my time away, expecting everything to be perfect upon return. By thinking clearly, I knew that when reality doesn’t meet these expectations, it can lead to disappointment and frustration.
Personal Growth and Changed Perspective
My worldview and values also evolved during my time abroad. I mean, I was not only in Latin America. I studied in Italy and traveled Europe; I lived in Tel Aviv and had access to the Middle Eastern culture; I spent a lot of time in Brazil. I feel like this collective culture formed as a big white ball that is now me.
It is hard to share or understand your new perspective if you are multicultural. For instance, I got furious at the people throwing trash in the ocean (I literally screamed at them), and I also called out that people were poisoning their bodies with fast food.
I know I should’ve not done that, and apologized after realizing it is not my business to change people’s habits. I let my ego in the way, and the quick judgment made me realize that people have different priorities, and it is NOT MY BUSINESS.
By trying to change someone’s habits, I might inadvertently undermine their sense of control, causing them to resist even if my intentions are good.
But I also don’t want to lose my being. I know I have spoken harshly (and more often than not, the truth hurts), but I will stand up for my values while taking notes and speaking more gently.
SOMETHING TO WATCH OUT FOR
According to Self-Determination Theory (SDT), individuals have a fundamental need for autonomy, which means having control over their own actions and decisions. When someone else tries to change their habits, it can be perceived as a threat to their autonomy, leading to resistance and resentment.
Unrealistic Expectations
Everyone can relate to this: when you return to your home country after living abroad, you hold higher expectations for how things should be, which can lead to frustration when reality doesn’t match up.
First, I am proud to say that I developed great tolerance when it comes to customer service. Many Filipinos complain about the long lines in local government offices or banks but Mexico is the exact same! I am not suffering in this department. I just bring a book and already assume that it will take me hours upon arrival.
What I am suffering the most when it comes to environmental practices. In my head, I believe this is something that is basic. I can’t really write about the expectation vs reality in this regard because I find this very basic and this is my biggest mental conflict. The frustration about this is causing me a strong emotional response that leads me to act and scream at people.
I want to act from empathy and understanding. I know that not everyone has the same experiences or education regarding environmental issues. I get that people’s priorities and awareness levels can vary widely.
But I still can’t understand why the environment is the least priority in humans, especially here — a country that is constantly tormented by hurricanes and typhoons.
Living in Mexico or other countries have heightened my awareness and commitment to environmental practices. Returning home to a different standard is jarring and disappointing.
NOTE TO SELF
Master empathy and understanding when it comes to environmental issues. Advocating for change doesn’t have to be in a form of telling people what to do. Instead of letting my anger consume me, I will focus on being part of the solution.
Familiarity breeds contempt
I wrote this in my journals many times: why does living in the Philippines trigger me more than living in Mexico when these two countries have the exact same culture?! It took experiencing reverse culture shock in order to find out these answers.
If you are experiencing this as well, let me tell you about taking things for granted but not in the way we are taught about taking things for granted. In this concept, it means becoming so accustomed to something that you fail to appreciate it fully or overlook its value until it’s gone or changed.
The things that were once endearing or unnoticed in your home culture might now stand out more prominently, especially if they contrast with the positive experiences you’ve had abroad.
Before traveling, I never cared about punctuality. I was so used to Filipinos always being late and I was never strict about it. Mexico is even worse. People arrive 2 hours late and they’re not even sorry for it. Both Mexico and the Philippines don’t see anything wrong with this because it is part of the culture.
However, after imposing a more structured and punctual social norm to myself (and my family), I now find myself frustrated with the lack of punctuality at home. For me, punctuality is a sign of respect for other people’s time. And no matter how much we shit about the Americans, I am so sorry to say but they are the most punctual people on the planet. If there’s one thing I picked up from working with Americans and the American culture, it is this. I plan to keep it.
You might be wondering, “what did I take for granted here?” Good question. In this concept, you had taken the flexibility for granted, and now it stands out as a negative compared to the efficiency you enjoyed abroad.
Another thing is over-exposure. Being deeply familiar with the nuances of the Filipino culture makes its flaws more glaring compared to my multi-culture where some imperfections are more easily overlooked.
A good example that you might relate to is gossiping. The Philippines is well-known for this and Mexico isn’t that far behind. You might say that gossiping happens everywhere, it’s true, you’re not wrong. But you have to be in the Philippines to feel a different level of gossiping. It is so extreme here!
Growing up, I was so accustomed to the culture of gossip in my community. It was a normal part of social interactions, something you participated in and didn’t think much about. I look at everyone today and talking about other people’s lives is still the norm. I don’t think they are even aware they are doing it because it is so normal in our culture.
After spending time in countries where gossiping is less prevalent, I became more aware of its negative impacts. I started to appreciate more respectful and constructive conversations. Returning home, I find the constant gossip among friends and family intrusive and exhausting.
This non-gossip environment, I will keep. Whenever I see friends and family, I ask them about them or how their days went. Before they start talking about another Juan that I don’t know, I do not engage, and I divert the conversation by asking about them. It is challenging, but it is not hard. It’s just extra work.
SELF-REFLECTION
Reflect on your own motivations for gossiping. Is it to feel accepted, to bond, or to distract from personal issues?
EXERCISE
Understand your reasons and seek healthier ways to fulfill those needs.
Communication Barriers
Many mistake me to be a Filipino-American because of the audienceship of this blog but I speak the Filipino language fluently. It is a difficult language that young people do not speak now but I am good at it. So why is communication barriers a reverse culture shock for me?
Tell you what: even if you return to a place where you speak the native language, you might struggle with re-adapting to local slang, accents, or even the way people communicate socially.
I am not referring here to being in-the-know of the GenZ slang or using words to sound cool. I am referring to the unclear way of conversing here (and in Mexico, too). I am talking about indirect communication.
The tendency for indirect communication, including sugarcoating and avoiding directness, is deeply rooted in Filipino culture. We call this communication style, “pakikisama” (harmonious relationship).
We Filipinos often prioritize group harmony over individual expression. Which is also one of the reasons I am misunderstood by some. Direct confrontation or bluntness is seen as disruptive to social cohesion or in my case, as the old people would say, “disrespectful.”
This also happens in other Asian nations, particularly when discussing a sensitive topic with family. People downplay their true feelings to avoid causing any tension.
Filipinos also have a strong sense of hiya (shame), which discourages direct criticism or negative feedback to prevent embarrassment. So what we do is instead of directly addressing a family member’s inappropriate behavior, we hint at it subtly to avoid making them feel ashamed. This is also one of the reasons why gossip is so prevalent.
Respect for hierarchy is super high on our cultural norm. My husband once asked me why I was calling the tricycle driver “kuya” because he thought it’s only for your older brother. He also wonders why I call everyone “tita” (auntie) and thought my mother has 56 sisters.
Hierarchical relationships are important in the Philippines, especially in families. Younger members often feel the need to show respect to elders, which can lead to indirect communication.
For example, when disagreeing with an elder, we choose to keep our opinions to ourselves or phrase them in a way that minimizes confrontation. I did not grow up like this as my mother often gave us the space to express ourselves without the hierarchy. But coming back home now, I feel like the younger generation is trapped in this obligatory and imaginary image of respect, even if they don’t want to.
More concrete examples of communication barriers
Example 1: Sugarcoating Feedback
- Situation: A family member asks for feedback on a project they’ve worked on.
- Indirect Response: “It’s nice. Maybe just a few small changes here and there.”
- Result: The vague feedback leads to misunderstanding about what specifically needs improvement, causing frustration when the project doesn’t meet expectations.
Example 2: Avoiding Direct Refusal
- Situation: A relative invites you to an event you cannot attend.
- Indirect Response: “I’ll try to make it if I can.”
- Result: The relative interprets this as a potential confirmation, leading to disappointment and conflict when you don’t show up.
Example 3: Subtle Criticism
- Situation: You notice a family member’s behavior that is inappropriate.
- Indirect Response: “Maybe we should all try to be a bit more mindful of our actions.”
- Result: The general advice is too vague for the specific person to understand it’s meant for them, leading to continued behavior and eventual conflict when it’s not corrected.
In Mexico, a very popular example I can give that everyone knows about is “ahorita.” Everyone says it and I mean everyone. When I lived in Mexico, I quickly learned that ‘ahorita’ could mean anything from ‘right now’ to ‘sometime later.’ Mexicans have a more relaxed and flexible approach to time that often characterized daily life.
So when a friend says, ‘Voy ahorita,’ I have to clarify whether they meant in an hour, tomorrow, next week, or next month. This is one of the communication barriers that I had faced in Mexico.
Identify the situation: Think About
Recall a recent instance where you received indirect communication. What was the context? Who was involved?
Emotional Response: Ask Yourself
How did I feel when I received this indirect message? Confused, frustrated, or something else? Did I understand the underlying message, or did I need further clarification?
Behavioral Response: Consider
How did I respond to the indirect communication? Did I try to clarify the message, ignore it, or react emotionally?
❤️🩹 Long-term effects of travel on your identity and worldview
If you are someone who is experiencing reverse culture shock and is somehow very stressed about your current situation, do not blame yourself for being different. Travel has a profound and lasting impact on your identity and worldview.
You are not wrong. The people around you who seem to be torturing you with their perspectives and culture? They’re also not wrong. This is the part where I motivate you and put your focus to other than reverse culture shock.
Here’s something to be happy about:
Your perspective has broadened
Travel exposes you to diverse cultures, traditions, and ways of life, allowing you to see the world from different angles. This broadened perspective helps you appreciate diversity and fosters a deeper understanding of global issues.
Example: You might find that you are now more empathetic towards people from different backgrounds, understanding that everyone has unique experiences and challenges.
Congrats! You have an enhanced self-awareness!
Living in various environments and adapting to different cultures fosters self-awareness. You learn about your strengths, weaknesses, and preferences, helping you grow as an individual.
Example: You discovered a passion for new cuisines or developed a resilience in adapting to unforeseen challenges, which contributes to your personal growth.
Your adaptability and resilience increased
Frequent exposure to new situations and challenges builds adaptability and resilience. You learn to navigate unfamiliar territories, handle uncertainties, and embrace change with greater ease.
Example: When facing difficulties back home, you can draw on the adaptability and problem-solving skills you developed while traveling to manage stress and find solutions.
You are now more culturally sensitive
Long-term travel cultivates cultural sensitivity. You become more respectful and considerate of other people’s customs, beliefs, and traditions, which enhances your ability to build meaningful relationships.
Example: Your ability to interact respectfully with diverse individuals can improve your social and professional interactions, making you a more inclusive and understanding person.
Your worldview expanded!
Traveling exposes you to different political systems, social structures, and economic conditions, expanding your worldview. You gain insights into global issues and develop a stronger sense of global citizenship and responsibility.
Example: This broader perspective can empower you to engage in social or environmental causes, contributing to positive change in your community.
📝 Closing notes on reverse culture shock
I hate to break it to you, girl (or boy), but since you are the one integrating into your culture, you have to be the bigger person. Meaning that you are the one who has to put an effort not to experience reverse culture shock.
Recognize that your travel experiences have shaped you in unique ways. Embrace your expanded perspective and use it to navigate the challenges of reverse culture shock.
For me, my greatest power right now is adaptability, resilience, and cultural sensitivity I gained from travel. Focusing on these makes it more manageable for me to deal with the frustrations of reverse culture shock.
You’re right – it is easier said than done. But traveling alone or living abroad is hard. I’m sure you’ll figure this out with calm.
Meanwhile, despite these reverse culture shock challenges that I am experiencing, I am so happy to see family and friends. It keeps me grounded. It reminds me how lucky I am to have a community that always keeps me in check.
Are you experiencing reverse culture shock?
Where have you been, where are you from and what’s your story? Help others cope by joining the conversation below – I’d love to hear about you!
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