Personal values: the not-so-secret ingredient to adulting like a pro | P.S. I’m On My Way

By Trisha Velarmino Dec 27, 20240

Wondering why you need personal values? Spoiler: it’s the secret sauce that keeps you from becoming a hot mess. Let’s laugh, self-reflect, and discover your inner moral compass!

Bolivia is a cold mess. Seriously. The weather makes it hard to do anything, and I planned to stay there for 90 days. So, I made use of my time by volunteering in a hostel. On my first day of work, I announced the last call while cleaning up behind the counter and freezing my ass off.

A man sauntered over and took a seat at the bar. His sun-kissed skin and relaxed demeanor suggested he was no stranger to adventure.

“I’ll have a beer, please,” he said with a cheerful tone. From his accent, it was clear he was Australian.

“Huari, Paceña, Paceña Black, Taquiña, Ducal?” I asked. If you work in a bar in a foreign country, the manager first asks you to memorize the list of alcoholic drinks you have no idea about. Lucky for me, I am great at memorizing.

He asked me to “surprise him,” so I went with the safest choice: Paceña, a Bolivian lager-type and the most commonly ordered cerveza in the country. As a bartender in a hostel, the manager also reminds you to do small chats and get them drunk. It was my second year backpacking South America, and with time, I became more creative with my conversation starters rather than the usual “Where are you from?”

“So, what brings you to Bolivia?” I asked, curious about his journey. That may not have been the most creative conversation starter, but he was engaged.

He gulped his beer and sighed contentedly. “Exploring the world, meeting new people, you know the drill. How about you? What are personal values?” he asked, leaning closer.

Well, great, he has a more creative conversation starter than I do. I paused for a moment, considering his question. Normally, I would answer like a beauty queen in a pageant, but I was aware he wouldn’t buy that shit. Many travelers who engage in this type of conversation can smell bullshit from afar.

Finally, I said “I am sorry, I’m not sure what you mean?” Because I really didn’t know. And I was not afraid he’d think I was dumb. He’s cute, sure. But a long time ago, I vowed not to pretend to know things when I don’t. I was 25 years old, on the road since I was 19, and this was the first time I encountered this question.

“Personal values are like your inner compass,” he explained. “They’re the core beliefs that guide your decisions and actions in life. Think of them as your internal GPS, telling you what’s right and wrong for you.”

“Oh yes, I do have those!” I started telling him mine, and we continued talking, sharing stories and insights about what truly mattered to us. For the entire night that we chatted, one thing struck me: I have personal values, of course. But why couldn’t I answer the question when he asked it?”

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Why some people might not be aware of their personal values

10 years ago, I worked in hostels for almost 3 years to save money on accommodations.

I’m curious: if someone asks you what your personal values are, will you also struggle to find the right words to express something so deeply personal like I did? It sounds like an easy question, yet our brain goes berserk when asked about it (and so many other matters about life’s purpose).

Navigating the topic of personal values can be a bit like trying to describe the taste of water—crucial but hard to articulate. At 25, I knew it was hard to answer a simple question because of lack of self-reflection. This is most of us. Many people haven’t taken the time to reflect deeply on their core values, so the question might catch them off guard. Or maybe they haven’t thought about it.

There is also complexity and nuance in the question. I mean I was in a bar and my brain is used to programmed conversation starters among travelers. In short, it’s complicated. Personal values are often nuanced and situational. Summing them up in a quick response can feel reductive and oversimplified.

Our personal values are subconscious, so you might also want to dig deeper into your subconscious influence. Often, it operates at that level. You might act on your values without consciously recognizing them.

Personal values also change over time. As you grow and encounter new experiences, your values can evolve. This fluidity can make it challenging to pin you down at any given moment. Fear of judgment is another factor, as we are taught to fear judgment or misunderstanding. Expressing personal values can feel vulnerable, and you might hesitate to share them openly.

For most humans, it’s external influences. Societal and cultural expectations can influence how comfortable you feel discussing your personal values, especially if you fear their values might clash with the norm.

What happens if you are not aware of your personal values?

Meeting people from different cultures, countries, and walks of life made me clear about what my personal values are.

In this part, I am going to list down a few signs that proved I had personal values and was not aware of it. If you are already here, go grab a notebook and list down those you already experienced.

If you are not aware of your personal values, the following will happen (or already happened):

Lack of Clarity: Decision-making can become confusing and stressful without a clear sense of values. You may find it hard to determine what’s truly important.
Inconsistent Choices: You might make choices that conflict with each other, leading to regret or second-guessing your decisions.
Feeling Lost or Unfulfilled: Not knowing your values can result in a sense of aimlessness or dissatisfaction, as you may lack a clear sense of purpose or direction.
Increased Stress and Anxiety: The uncertainty and inconsistency in your choices can contribute to feelings of stress and anxiety.
Conflict with Others: If your actions don’t align with your underlying values, it can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts in relationships.
Difficulty Building Trust: People may find it harder to trust you if your behavior seems unpredictable or inconsistent.
Lack of Motivation: Without clear values, setting and pursuing meaningful goals can be challenging. You may struggle to find motivation or direction in your career and personal life.
Misalignment with Career: You might end up in a job or career path that doesn’t resonate with your true self, leading to dissatisfaction and burnout.
Reduced Happiness: Values are closely tied to what brings us joy and fulfillment. If you’re not living in alignment with your values, you may find it harder to experience true happiness.
Limited Personal Growth: Self-awareness and personal values are crucial for growth and development. Without understanding your values, it can be difficult to make meaningful progress in your personal journey.

Questions to guide you to your personal values

The good thing is that identifying personal values is the first step to personal growth. You’re already on the first step by reading this article!

Reflecting on the following questions can help you identify your core personal values:

These days, I live by the quote, “The world is full of suffering, but it is also full of healing from it.” I consider this one of my personal values since we always focus on the suffering but forget that there is always a solution or a way to mend it.

If you still have your notebook, reflect on the questions above and focus on your answers in the next few months. This way, you have a guiding light in how you live your day-to-day life.

How do we develop our personal values?

Many values are ingrained from a young age through cultural and societal norms. Family, education, religion, and community all play a part in shaping these values. I decided to be a feminist at 11 years old because I grew up with a single mother. It was my environment. I was never exposed to anything else. Up until today, I still live up to those values.

Culturally, there are also many values ingrained to as in early childhood that seem to be a default and we don’t question it. As toddlers, we understood basic concepts of right and wrong, kindness, and fairness. Come pre-school and elementary years which are also our formative years, we are already capable of grasping more complex values like honesty, responsibility, and respect.

These personal values continue to evolve as children grow into adolescence and adulthood. However, I do not think these are revisited and discussed regularly, especially as we encounter new experiences and challenges.

Then we go to adulthood when personal values are still the basics, but we were never taught about the impact of it in our adult life or that it will actually help us navigate life. We only listen to what our parents and our aunties say, but we do not really have a true grasp of our values.

We favor positive life experiences and crumble with negative experiences because it is how we are taught. If we do not know how to use our personal values in adulthood, we continue a life of suffering, and it shapes our values over time.

We humans have an inherent need for a sense of purpose and direction. If you think that you are not following a path right now and you have no direction, personal values provide a framework for making choices and navigating life.

My personal values list

When I reached a decade of traveling non-stop, I decided to live in Cabo, Mexico.

I was often told that setting off to travel the world at 19 years old is a bold and inspiring decision. At the time, my core values were not clear to me. I was motivated my hate, by change, by activism, by fear, by worrying about my future.

16 years later, I am still traveling the world and now doing it for a living (what the heck!). It took me into adulthood to realize how this adventure was aligned with my personal values.

A strong desire for adventure and exploration drove my decision. I sought new experiences, cultures, and landscapes to broaden my horizons and satisfy my curiosity.
Independence and freedom were important to me. Traveling the world allowed me to step out of my comfort zone, make my own decisions, and navigate life on my own terms.
Personal growth and self-discovery were my key motivations. I recognized that traveling could teach me more about myself, my strengths, and my limitations, contributing to my development as an individual.
Open-mindedness and a willingness to embrace diverse perspectives were my central values. I was eager to learn from different cultures, traditions, and ways of life, which expanded my worldview and challenged my preconceptions.
Curiosity and a thirst for knowledge motivated me to explore new places and learn about the world. I valued experiences that enriched my understanding and provided fresh insights.
Flexibility and adaptability were important to me. Traveling often requires adjusting to new environments, overcoming challenges, and making the best of unexpected situations. And I succeeded in that!
I was driven by a desire for purpose and fulfillment. The journey itself, with all its ups and downs, was a way for me to find meaning and direction in my life.

By embarking on this journey, I committed to living in a way aligned with these values. And guess what? I wasn’t even aware of it, and I managed to travel the world for 16 years non-stop! It’s a testament to my adventurous spirit and quest for a deeper understanding of the world and myself.

Imagine the things you can achieve if you already are in touch with your personal values, as opposed to me, discovering these en el camino. Along the way, I also encountered new personal values that I always use as a moral compass when it comes to travel:

Cultural Appreciation: I value cultural understanding and diversity. Travel is a way for me to experience and appreciate different cultures. This leads me to choose destinations rich in history and traditions.
Adventure and Exploration: I value adventure and the outdoors. Travel was my avenue to seek out new and thrilling experiences, such as hiking in remote areas or exploring off-the-beaten-path locations.
Environmental Stewardship: Sustainability is a core value for me, and I prefer eco-friendly travel options, such as staying in green accommodations, supporting local businesses, and choosing destinations that prioritize conservation.
Personal Development: I value learning and personal development. Travel allowed me to gain new perspectives, learn new languages (I can now speak 7!), and challenge myself in unfamiliar environments.

When it comes to careers, I have a short list of personal values and I know that in the years to come, it will still develop. Here are my personal values when it comes to work:

Purpose and Fulfillment: Careers aligning with personal values often increase job satisfaction. For example, someone who values helping others might find fulfillment in healthcare or social work.
Integrity and Authenticity: Honesty and integrity are important for me, so in my career, I make sure to stick to ethical practices and transparency.
Work-Life Balance: I used to have a hustle life because that was what they taught me as a child. Now that I have a child, I value family time and personal well-being. This taught me how to conserve energy and spend time on what matters most. I also have a career with flexible working hours because I lead my path to becoming a digital nomad.
Innovation and Creativity: I value creativity and living a creative life. I make sure to always create, create, create, be it content, art, or something I can use my hands with.

Closing thoughts on personal values

At present, I am exploring the Philippines with my family!

This article was inspired by one of my mentees. She asked me if I could write an article about the list of personal values, but I told her it is unique to each of us, and that’s why it’s called “personal.”

I’ve been seeing a lot of these personal values lists on the internet which are often generic but if you really want to dive deep into this, they vary from person to person based on individual experiences, upbringing, culture, and many other factors.

We have our own unique set of values that guide our decisions and actions. There is no other person like you, and it is impossible to find another you, so keep in mind: while there are common values that many of us share (honesty, kindness, respect, etc), the specific combination and interpretation of these values can be very different for each person.

So sit down in a quiet space, put your phone in silent mode, and reflect on your personal values. You will see how it will help you get through this wretched but beautiful world!